PUC Chronicle

Issue date: 2/26/07 Section: Sports

The Chargers named Norv Turner their new head coach. Turner is very excited, as it's the first time he's had a chance to fail with a good team. Turner was a surprising choice - Rosie O'Donnell has a better chance at scoring with a football team.
Bridget Moynahan's publicist announced that Moynahan is pregnant with ex-boyfriend Tom Brady's baby. Moynahan is not speaking about the overly personal matter, keeping it between her, Brady and her publicist.
Barry Bonds reported to Giants' training camp this week. The press followed him everywhere, with the exception of the bathroom and the place he buys his steroids.
Alex Rodriguez said that he and Derek Jeter have grown apart. Despite the in-fighting, A-Rod will continue to play his hardest when the Yankees already have a five run lead.
Three marathon runners ran 4,000 miles across the Sahara Dessert in 111 days. Thankfully their opponents were all drowned in the sea.
In basketball, Charlotte Bobcats part-owner Michael Jordan says the team vows to spend what it takes to win. What it takes is buying a new basketball team.
During an argument about a karaoke competition, Liverpool striker Craig Bellamy hit a teammate with a golf club. Bellamy later apologized for both the golf club and his rendition of "It's Raining Men."
And HIV positive heavyweight Tommy Morrison has been medically cleared to fight some jerk who wants to fight a guy who is HIV positive. Morrison did not reveal who would be so stupid as to fight him, stating only that the opponent needed legal defense money and a few tattoos removed.

- Written by Steve Hofstetter, Keith Alberstadt, Adam Hofstetter, Cody Marley, Rich Ragains, Elliot Steingart and Chris Strait

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